D.U.I. you can not afford not to.

We were at a bar a few miles inland last night.  I ate some wings and drank soda.  I did not have any beer, but noticed a sign that said drafts cost 1.19$.  At the bars on the beach where we can walk to beers cost 2$ to 2.50$.  Drinking at the bar inland would save someone an average of 1.06$ per beer.  Couple this with the fact that the Florida website says the fine for a first D.U.I. is 250-500$.  

So if when you go out you drink a 6-pack you only have to drive home 40 to 79 days to be making money with your savings vs. the D.U.I. fine.  

So, what are the chances of getting caught?  There are 4 bars in my little town.  Conservatively, they get an average of 100 people drunk over the course of a night.  There are 8 more resturaunts that serve alcohol.  They get 20 people drunk over the course of a night.  And again conservatively we will say 75% of these people are driving.  So we have 2744 people driving drunk per week.  How many D.U.I.s per week here?  An average of 1 to 2.  Giving you about a .05% chance per week of getting caught.   This means you could drive drunk for 2,000 weeks or 38 years potentially before it is your turn to get caught.  Even if you say your luck is middle of the road you can go 19 years of driving drunk every night without a problem.  In that time you would have saved over 44,106$ to pay for the D.U.I. if you eventually get one.  And everyone knows that 5000$ is what it costs to have a lawyer get you off of a D.U.I. accusation.  The rest is pure profit.  So I think every one can now agree, they should change the sign to say “D.U.I. You can not afford not to do it.”  I also think there should be a team if scientists that go around and punch those Mothers against drunk driving ladys in the face.  

Do not take any of this as legal advice, I do not know if my math would hold up in court.  I personally do not drink and drive, but that is because I am a chihuahua and even me just driving would probably arouse suspicion.    

So I guess the moral of this story is, do not believe everything you read on signs.