The Simpsons

Jeff and I enjoy the Simpsons story on TV and on DVDs.  Some people know this and today gave us this Simpsons gift.  I was going to put 4 on my skateboard and 4 on Jeff’s skateboards 2 on the refrigerator 1 on the bathroom mirror 1 on the shelf in front of the toilet so it looks like homer is watching you do your business 1 on the motorcycle 1 on the cat 2 on the bird 1 on the TV and the next to last one on top of the last one to see if it makes some kind of super sticker.  

aaaaaand then after my planning I was told not to do that because these stickers had rules and I was wasting them.  

Now I have to wait until Kim goes to work to do all this.  A block of time I had scheduled to create renewable energy for the world by harnessing the tides.

So the next time you have pay your electric bill you can thank Kim.

6/29/09

Princess Sparkle was made for summer.

I watched Forgetting Sarah Marshall with Mila Kunis last night.  I kept thinking who is that familiar looking really hot chick?  Then today I found out it was the girl from the 70’s show and feel ashamed for liking her because the 70’s show was soooooooooooooooo stupid.  But I like her she has huge eyes like a cartoon.

In other news it makes me very sad that we have had like 10 pairs of these Arnette Catfish.  These white ones are the last pair we have left.  The pair missed most was a sparkely gold pair.  Imagine how awesome I would look in those.

At first I was mad Sanjaya did not win

the get me out of here story.  I was mad at the TV.  Then I watched the new Real World and that all changed.  One of the guys started making out with a girl.  One of the other guys started making out with her mom.  And it is all in Mexico.  These folks are going to be fun to watch get drunk and do stupid things.  Now I like TV again.

Reason #587 why I will not use Google. This screenshot is from Yahoo’s regular search page.

There is no emotion with stupid Google.  No entertainment value.  Yahoo is sooooooo much better.  Maybe I just like my news soft, but at least I get something with Yahoo.  Never has anyone went to google and found out that vending machines will sell comfortable shoes for 8$.  That is interesting.  Thank you Yahoo.  I guarantee I work that into a conversation or two in the next few days.  And that is why I am such a pleasure to be around.

Reason 6,544 why I hate hippies

Like sand through the hourglass?

Some days ago I told some people the guy from the Germs was a hump.  He  said everything is a circle and you end up where you start.  I thought that was dumb.  Then Jeff’s new shoes came in the mail and I was a little concerned but chalked it up to coincidence.  Then Holly got kicked off the Get Me Out of Here show and then she got brought back on to the show.  I thought, boy I may have to rethink this whole circle thing.  

Then Holly hugged Sanjaya in her underpants and it was adorable so I do not care about the Germs guy anymore.

Fathers Day

There was a fathers day card from me to Jeff here today.  Mysteriously it was mad out in Kim’s hand writing.  Go figure.  What is even more odd is how people mistakenly refer to Jeff as my dad.  We are roommates.  What is even even more weird is the look on the dog on the cards face.  That dog’s roommate should take him for a check up.

In other news what is even even even more weird is that the Ultimate Fighting Championship’s Dana White follows only 26 people on Twitter and one of them is the I Can Haz Cheezeburger Cat. 

3.0

I upgraded to the ipod 3.0 software.  I can not wait until I need to copy and paste something.  Other than that it is super boring.  I have never needed to copy or paste anything on this ipod yet but I guess you never know.  That day could be just around the corner.  What do all these people complaining for the last 3 years need to copy and paste anyway?  I feel like either I am missing some huge copying and pasting opportunities or people just like to grumble.

Nofx-Coaster

I bought Coaster by Nofx today.  It seems okay.  Finally George Bush is out of office and I can listen to Nofx again.  For Bush’s entire two terms their records seemed like they whined about him and had 2 or 3 good songs about drinking.    Even though they are still a little grumpy and their politics suck they seem to be back to the formula that made me like them, some random songs, 1 song about lesbians and 2 or 3 good songs about drinking.

Although they may have copied my love for coasters.

The Standoff

And stay out.

The couch is now mine again.  Then I wait for a treat. 

Busy Busy Busy

The new season of True Blood and Weeds starded.  And let me tell you I was excited.  So I watched the 1st episode of True Blood and the first two episodes of Weeds.  And now I am exhausted.  I spent half the shows covering my eyes for the scary parts and the other half of the shows covering Jeff’s eyes for the nude scenes.  I guess the good news is I am going to have very toned arms by the end of the season.  The bad news is I might throw my back out if there is a scene that is naked and scary at the same time.  They are very good shows though and we like to watch them.  Except for the Lafayette in the basement scenes.  Those make me uncomfortable.

Artists are jerks.

Someone gave Kim this book to make Jeff’s knees better.  He will not do what it says in the book because long ago we learned to never trust the written word.  But we did glance at it and the sketcher is a jerk.  You can tell the guy is rubbing his knee without the flab rolls and the receding hairline.  That is just adding insult to injury.  

In other news they should teach foreign guys what words to use all the time, not just what all the words are.  Every time I talk to an Indian guy they say something like trepidation 15 times in an eight minute conversation.  The accent makes you seem foreign, but the choice of words average people do not use in day to day conversations make you seem really really foreign. 

Our new experiment.

We like very much to swim in the ocean.  For Jeff that involves wearing boardshorts.  Lots of times he is wearing a pair of boardshorts around the house before or even sometimes after swimming.  Then he will need to rush out to meet someone or do something.  Sometimes when this happens he will just pull some pants on over the boardshorts.  So to save time and always be ready to swim we have decided to rule out boxer shorts entirely and just use the boardshorts as underwear for a trial period.  This is wayyyyy better than the boxer shorts because if needed, say we rip our pants or spill something on them we can remove them and it would still be socially acceptable for us to do something like pick a lime from a tree or get a lollipop from a banker.  Try doing anything like that in your underpants and see what happens.  They give you that stupid root beer flavor.  We gave up socks almost 2 years ago now and life has been much simpler since.  If this works out it will be even better.  Imagine a world without socks or underwear.  That is a world I want to live in.

Weeds vs Germs

This is my nose with a marling spike and a knot.  We like to tie and learn about knots in this house.  This one is a monkey’s fist.  It is as fun to tie as it is to chew afterward.

In other news, today I watched the new episode of Weeds and then the movie about the Germs, What We Do is Secret.  Weeds won hands down.  That lady and her wacky family amuse me while the Germs guy is just pretty much annoying.  I never had any strong like or dislike for the Germs.  Now after sitting through a whole movie I feel exactly the same way.  That really does not say a whole lot for that band or the movie.  Weeds on the other hand I had all kind of feelings about.  I like the lady but was mad she made the young kid leave.  I like the guy that likes the lady he is funny.  I like the tall guy, he is even funnier and I like the little kid and i do not like the older kid or the lady in Mexico. 

Iron City Beer vs. Nivea happiness soap

Iron City beer is awesome.  Above you can see me kissing one Iron City Beer.  And here is the best part.  We have six.  Iron City Beer is a good product.  Iron City Beer.  

Then we have this soap I saw while minding my own business in the shower today.  The people at Nivea are pretty much calling me an idiot.  Orange Blossom Scent might be a real thing, I believe this product may have something to with Orange Blossom Scent.  I do call them big fat liars when they claim that this product has something to do with bamboo essence.  Essence is not a real thing you stupid hippie liars.  

Yeaaaa Iron City Beer, Boooooo Nieva liar soap.

dog in the hat

Dr. Seuss was full of @$&#.

The Metric System is confusing 7-11

Today I had a feeling the lord would want me to have a rum and coke.  So I went to the 7-11 to obtain coke.  I already had the rum and limes and ice and glass.  The 20 oz. soda was 1.49$.  The 2 liter soda is 1.50$.

And that may be why America is fat.  

And that is why I do not trust the metric system. 

It is all coming together.

I have been thinking about Pac-Man playing basket ball a lot lately.  I think basketball is stupid.  A long time ago I invented a ghost fish with ears.  Ghosts kill Pac-Man.  There is basketball on tonight instead of  Celebrity Get Me Out of Here.  I think you see where this is going.  

I do not get to see what is going on with Sanjiya and the born again Baldwin because of stupid basket ball.  I will imagine my ghost fish with ears killing Pac-man thereby crippling the sport of basketball forever and then I will get to see Heidi and Spencer be awesome.

It is very hard to get the lighting just right.

But trust me, this is a v-neck tan line and it is awesome.

Speaking of Wipeout

I had a week or two agos episode of Wipeout on my dvr.  After Mandy’s comment the other day I watched it yesterday.  Holy cow those hurdles are amusing.  The general tone of the show and announcers is very not funny and the editing is pretty bad but I am going to dvr it again tonight just to see those humps get punched in the junk by those hurdles.  That is some quality programing.  If I was on thereI would use the prize money to hire a guy to flush my toilet every 5 minutes to offset hippies who conserve water.

Today I am going to fall asleep on this carrot

So that when I wake up I will have a carrot.  I can see no flaw in this plan.

I used to be a big fan of celery.  Ever since I found the Sriracha hot sauce I have to say celery has taken a back seat to carrots.  I never thought I would see the day.

Do not tell anyone

but I have been watching I am a Celebrity get me Out Of Here.  At first I was not going to tell anyone because that is embarrassing but you will never believe what I just saw.  Lou Diamond Phillips stuck his hand in a tube with some rats in it.  The rats bit Lou.  When asked how he did it He said he had to do it because his dad spent 2 tours in Vietnam so he had to.  I did not fight in the Vietnam War, but  even I am a little offended that he compared getting bit on the hand by some rats to being a soldier fighting in a war.  Young Guns was a good movie though. 

Eminem really does love male angel butt.

It was staged.  That makes it even funnier.  He agreed to have angel junk pressed against his lips.  Not only that, they practiced it before hand.  If you learn one thing from the internet let it be this, Eminem is perfectly fine with having a bare assed angel lowered on to him on TV.

I had a dream.

I bark and bark at this guy in my neighborhood named Jim.  He rides a bike and I am pretty sure that is the problem.  When the bike is not moving he is okay.  My arch enemy is a dog down the street named Jean Claude.  I had a nightmare that there was an entity called Jim Claude and it rode a bike and barked at me.  Above is a picture of what Jim Claude would look like if he were real with Pac-Man playing basket ball in the background.  

Good luck sleeping tonight suckers.

In other news I thought the internet should know that the people who work at the counter at the Madiera Beach Post Office are the worst people on earth.  They are rude and not good at their jobs.  If you suck at dealing with the public you should have picked a career where you did not have to deal with the public all day every day jerks.  I am soooo glad that technology is making them obsolete.