2009, i hardly knew ya.

Thursday, December 31, 2009

another year down, i accomplished nothing on paper but that is pretty much par for the course for a dog.  in reality i made a few people smile and made a handful of posts here that were pure gold.  it is a shame that you would have to sort through the other couple hundred posts to find them and i would never expect you to do that so you can just trust me that they are in there.  in 2010 i resolve to continue posting and further my hobbies like chasing pelicans and hassling cats and eating fish tacos.  that reminds me, i am going to go eat a fish taco now.  then it is straight to the beach to growl the new year in.  God I love fish tacos.

Few things in life are more important than a nice tan.

Naps are one of them.

Tony Danza is awesome.

I read in Donald Trumps book that he made his first million having individual window air conditioners instead of central air.  I hate central air.  I would like all my rooms to be different temperatures.  Everyone knows a kitchen should be 76 degrees and a Bedroom should be 82 degrees and a Nintendo room should be 81 degrees for sit down games and 79 degrees for swinging around games.  Not with this central air crap.  I get 78 across the board.  It just not right.

In other heating and cooling news.  I am pretty upset that Alannis Morisette wrote a record about Dave Coulier.  

You know where you find a picture of Dave Coulier?  

The black and white one came from www.canada.com 

Of course.

I will never forgive Alannis Morisette until she writes two albums about Tony Danza.  Tony Danza is awesome.

This is the year I kill Santa

Home invader Santa will be invading homes tonight and once again I am ready.  As you can see I am a very good actress.  I pretend I am sleeping as above until he sneaks in then BLAM shotgun blast to the face.  His beard is bullet proof so I have to be very accurate and make sure some of the blast goes up his nose, his only vulnerable spot.  Like the hole in the Death Star that leads right to the fragile exploding part.  I repeat.  If I see anyone kissing Santa Clause there will be problems. 

I AM THREE

I am three.  IAMTHREE IAMTHREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

I know what you are thinking.  And I have heard a a lot of people answer this question differently, but I do feel different.  At 12:01 I swear to God I felt a little taller.  Go figure.  

Anyhow I am three.  That is 21 in dog years.  

On a side note, Jeff and I believe there is no better smell in this world than a freshly cut lime. 

I AM THREE. 

I AM FOUR

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

IAMFOUR I AM FOUR FORURURUROOOOOR.

iam 4  FOUR.  

i am four today.

Hot tomatoeeeeeeeeees

Monday, December 21, 2009

I finally got around to eating the weird potato chips from the store.  I was looking forward to the voodoo chips but they were just so so.  The big surprise was the hot tomato chips, they were awesome.  But I may be biased because I was so proud that I found the above chip that looks just like J. Edgar Hoover.  Beat that pretzel lovers.

So yesterday I was hanging out on the couch.

Saturday, December 19, 2009

and Jeff picks up the umbrella by the door.  I think awesome, today is the day I have been waiting all my life for.  Today is the day we jump off the roof and use the umbrella to gently float to different island, an island where it is always 90 degrees and 90 percent humidity with pineapples and limes growing everywhere, waves, perfect waves every day, everyone has a tan, you never have to wear a shirt or socks again in your life and where every haircut you get is a good one.  But it turned out it was just raining outside.  I hate the holidays.  

Someday island, someday I find you.

This is why I do not go to the grocery store often

Thursday, December 17, 2009

I have been staring at these for hours.  I want to make sure I have a good idea what voodoo might taste like before I open them to see if I am right.  So far I am drawing a blank.

Kim bought us this new bike for christmas.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

It is a Subrosa Pandora DTT frame.  We then obtained all the parts for it and assembled it late the other night.  As soon as we got it together we had to take it for a test ride around the block.  

We were then pulled over by the local police.  On a bicycle.  Because apparently 30 year olds with chihuahuas on bmx bikes fit a criminal profile.  

Really local police?  I step over a syringe in the alley or get asked if I need any drugs by random person often enough not to mention I can not walk on the beach at night without seeing a group of teenagers smoking pot.  I think the world will survive if you look into that stuff instead of pulling me over with flashing lights to tell me I better have a headlight if I am going to ride that thing at night.

Your tax dollars at work folks.

I Like It!

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Bacon on pizza.

GTFO fog.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

I can barely see myself think at the beach today.  

Also I wish there were technology built into sandwiches that would let me unfriend tomatoes.  

My hot tomato experiment did not go well.  I have not had such poor results with an experiment since the hot apple fiasco of 2008.  Tomorrow I start on homemade pickles.  I do not really know how to make pickles.  The upside is that if I screw them up and they make me go blind I will not be so annoyed by this fog. 

Legend of Zelda

Thursday, December 10, 2009

I am playing the new one now.  I do not like trains or the fact that I have to use the stylus to move around instead of the perfectly good cross right next to the screen that has controlled Link since the beginning of time but I like Zelda games so no matter how awkward they try to make the controls with the wii or the ds I still have to play them.  The good news is that I always name my character beer or a swear word so the cut scene dialog is sometimes funnier.  Only like a half hour in and it already paid off. 

The MENS room.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Today Jeff went to use a public restroom.  The business would be handled at a urinal in this public restroom.  The surprise was there was a man in there who must not have wanted to leave his 2 young female children outside the restroom and had brought them in while he was doing his business and they were just hanging out playing with the sinks.  Is this okay?  There are no walls around the urinals, Jeff just washed his hands and left because this is not appropriate.  I hope someday soon all parents make a pact with society that they will not bring young female children into rooms where men’s wangs may be exposed.

Kimbo Slice got better.

Sunday, December 6, 2009

I watched the finals of this season of the Ultimate Fighter last night.  Kimbo Slice is still not good.  But he won.  Against a much smaller guy.  But at times he looked okay.  If they give him a few more small or easy opponents he might get pretty good.  Who would have thought?  

Anyway the best thing about this show was Roy Nelson.  I like Roy Nelson.  All through the reality show Dana said he was boring but I like his ability to control the fight get it to where he wants it and do his thing.  So what if there is no spectacular knockout ending.  Then last night in Roy’s final fight to win the show, a spectacular knock out ending.  I like Roy Nelson.

Old stuff is stupid.

Friday, December 4, 2009

I never saw the old story V.  But after watching the new story V I liked the show.  So because the new show is taking some weeks off I decided to go watch the old show on the Hulu.  When I tried this I was redirected to the WB.com.  This was extra exciting because I do not think I ever watched anything on the WB before.  I made it about 4 minutes in.  I could make better special effects than this with just what I could find in my refrigerator.  And I do not even mean if I took the refrigerator apart, I mean with just the salsa and grapefruits and orange juice and stuff.  Anyone involved with anything old should be ashamed of themselves.

Pirates come in all shapes and sizes.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Yesterday while looking at a display of cameras and trying to decide on how handsome each camera would make me look an old woman came up and asked Jeff if he knew much about these video cameras.  Jeff said he had been reading some reviews of them lately and knew a bit.  The lady was pretty old and kind of using her cart as a walker and was barely taller than the handle.  She asked what kind of zoom she would need if she wanted to sit in the movie theater and record the movie with the camcorder.  We said we have no experience with that application and left it at that.  Ha ha Take that movie industry, even old people are out to get you now.