They should make payphones that text?

Friday, February 25, 2011

Because who really talks on the phone anymore.  Maybe people whos phone fell in the ocean still want to do some sexting or find out what is for dinner before they can make it to the Apple store.  Slow scientists are really trampling on my ability to trade quarters for communication.

I am watching the Grammies right now.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

And holy crap, there is a lot of suck in music these days.  And then CeeLo Green in a big chicken thing costume and a sequined helmet and a dancing dog puppet and then that portly chick from Shallow Hal all skinny again redeemed this whole fiasco.  Only thing that could have possibly made this better is if one of Gwens’s boobs fell out.  I could even live with seeing Bob Dylan mumble through another song if CeeLo would do another.  I feel like I am going to ride this high until that hump Eminem comes out pointlessly angry and sucks.

Pinaud Clubman After Shave, are we going to have a problem here?

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Jeff likes to smell like a barber shop.  The best way he has found to accomplish this is with this old school, old man, 2$ a bottle after shave.  Not to tell tales out of school, but I believe I have seen him splash some on even when he has not shaved for days.  Here is where I start to take fault, inspecting a new bottle for tampering before opening, I read the little seal.

And I quote:  “Refilling this bottle or tampering with this stop-

per is illegal.  Violations will be prosecuted.”

Listen here jerks, I am going to “tamper with this stopper” every f#$%ing time Jeff puts this stuff on.  What are you nuts? You want us to drill a hole beside the stopper to get the stuff out?  Why even have a stopper if you do not want people to use it?  Also I believe it would be obvious to even a child that you would have I hard time prosecuting me if I refill this bottle.  The bottle and its contents became mine when I gave Walgreens pharmacy 4 bucks for this and a few Valentines Day Ring Pops.  I will fill my bottle whenever and with whatever I want.  Just because you want to play gestapo on your label I might fill this with 1 part Aqua Velva, 1 part Old Spice and 1 part Pabst Blue Ribbon then mix it up real good and then pour it out on the ground to form the words “Fuck Authority” then light it on fire.  

To quote Princess Leia:

“the more you tighten your grip, Pinaud Clubman After Shave Lotion, the more star systems will slip through your fingers.”

What a hump

Did he think Republicans would immediately give up their ideals when he came into office or is he trying to trick me?

Who do we live with?

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Minutes ago we decided to watch a Star Wars movie.  Minute ago we decided that just like most times we watch a Star Wars movie it will be Episode 4:A New Hope.  Then seconds ago I heard Jeff ask Kim if they made lightsabers and they cost 600 dollars would she want one.  She said “no they seem too dangerous.”  I am amazed that there are people in this world who would not pay 600$ for a lightsaber.  I have thought about it you could probably get like 10 thousand dollars for some, but only nerds and people who cut things for a living would buy them.  2k$ and you bring in hobbyists and martial artists.  600 bucks though?  Untill just now I firmly believed that EVERYONE in the world would get one.  Take note, this is one of the rare times that I stand corrected.  Picture Unrelated.