2009, i hardly knew ya.

Thursday, December 31, 2009

another year down, i accomplished nothing on paper but that is pretty much par for the course for a dog.  in reality i made a few people smile and made a handful of posts here that were pure gold.  it is a shame that you would have to sort through the other couple hundred posts to find them and i would never expect you to do that so you can just trust me that they are in there.  in 2010 i resolve to continue posting and further my hobbies like chasing pelicans and hassling cats and eating fish tacos.  that reminds me, i am going to go eat a fish taco now.  then it is straight to the beach to growl the new year in.  God I love fish tacos.

Few things in life are more important than a nice tan.

Naps are one of them.

Tony Danza is awesome.

I read in Donald Trumps book that he made his first million having individual window air conditioners instead of central air.  I hate central air.  I would like all my rooms to be different temperatures.  Everyone knows a kitchen should be 76 degrees and a Bedroom should be 82 degrees and a Nintendo room should be 81 degrees for sit down games and 79 degrees for swinging around games.  Not with this central air crap.  I get 78 across the board.  It just not right.

In other heating and cooling news.  I am pretty upset that Alannis Morisette wrote a record about Dave Coulier.  

You know where you find a picture of Dave Coulier?  

The black and white one came from www.canada.com 

Of course.

I will never forgive Alannis Morisette until she writes two albums about Tony Danza.  Tony Danza is awesome.

This is the year I kill Santa

Home invader Santa will be invading homes tonight and once again I am ready.  As you can see I am a very good actress.  I pretend I am sleeping as above until he sneaks in then BLAM shotgun blast to the face.  His beard is bullet proof so I have to be very accurate and make sure some of the blast goes up his nose, his only vulnerable spot.  Like the hole in the Death Star that leads right to the fragile exploding part.  I repeat.  If I see anyone kissing Santa Clause there will be problems. 

I AM THREE

I am three.  IAMTHREE IAMTHREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

I know what you are thinking.  And I have heard a a lot of people answer this question differently, but I do feel different.  At 12:01 I swear to God I felt a little taller.  Go figure.  

Anyhow I am three.  That is 21 in dog years.  

On a side note, Jeff and I believe there is no better smell in this world than a freshly cut lime. 

I AM THREE. 

I AM FOUR

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

IAMFOUR I AM FOUR FORURURUROOOOOR.

iam 4  FOUR.  

i am four today.

Hot tomatoeeeeeeeeees

Monday, December 21, 2009

I finally got around to eating the weird potato chips from the store.  I was looking forward to the voodoo chips but they were just so so.  The big surprise was the hot tomato chips, they were awesome.  But I may be biased because I was so proud that I found the above chip that looks just like J. Edgar Hoover.  Beat that pretzel lovers.

So yesterday I was hanging out on the couch.

Saturday, December 19, 2009

and Jeff picks up the umbrella by the door.  I think awesome, today is the day I have been waiting all my life for.  Today is the day we jump off the roof and use the umbrella to gently float to different island, an island where it is always 90 degrees and 90 percent humidity with pineapples and limes growing everywhere, waves, perfect waves every day, everyone has a tan, you never have to wear a shirt or socks again in your life and where every haircut you get is a good one.  But it turned out it was just raining outside.  I hate the holidays.  

Someday island, someday I find you.

This is why I do not go to the grocery store often

Thursday, December 17, 2009

I have been staring at these for hours.  I want to make sure I have a good idea what voodoo might taste like before I open them to see if I am right.  So far I am drawing a blank.

Kim bought us this new bike for christmas.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

It is a Subrosa Pandora DTT frame.  We then obtained all the parts for it and assembled it late the other night.  As soon as we got it together we had to take it for a test ride around the block.  

We were then pulled over by the local police.  On a bicycle.  Because apparently 30 year olds with chihuahuas on bmx bikes fit a criminal profile.  

Really local police?  I step over a syringe in the alley or get asked if I need any drugs by random person often enough not to mention I can not walk on the beach at night without seeing a group of teenagers smoking pot.  I think the world will survive if you look into that stuff instead of pulling me over with flashing lights to tell me I better have a headlight if I am going to ride that thing at night.

Your tax dollars at work folks.

I Like It!

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Bacon on pizza.

GTFO fog.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

I can barely see myself think at the beach today.  

Also I wish there were technology built into sandwiches that would let me unfriend tomatoes.  

My hot tomato experiment did not go well.  I have not had such poor results with an experiment since the hot apple fiasco of 2008.  Tomorrow I start on homemade pickles.  I do not really know how to make pickles.  The upside is that if I screw them up and they make me go blind I will not be so annoyed by this fog. 

Legend of Zelda

Thursday, December 10, 2009

I am playing the new one now.  I do not like trains or the fact that I have to use the stylus to move around instead of the perfectly good cross right next to the screen that has controlled Link since the beginning of time but I like Zelda games so no matter how awkward they try to make the controls with the wii or the ds I still have to play them.  The good news is that I always name my character beer or a swear word so the cut scene dialog is sometimes funnier.  Only like a half hour in and it already paid off. 

The MENS room.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Today Jeff went to use a public restroom.  The business would be handled at a urinal in this public restroom.  The surprise was there was a man in there who must not have wanted to leave his 2 young female children outside the restroom and had brought them in while he was doing his business and they were just hanging out playing with the sinks.  Is this okay?  There are no walls around the urinals, Jeff just washed his hands and left because this is not appropriate.  I hope someday soon all parents make a pact with society that they will not bring young female children into rooms where men’s wangs may be exposed.

Kimbo Slice got better.

Sunday, December 6, 2009

I watched the finals of this season of the Ultimate Fighter last night.  Kimbo Slice is still not good.  But he won.  Against a much smaller guy.  But at times he looked okay.  If they give him a few more small or easy opponents he might get pretty good.  Who would have thought?  

Anyway the best thing about this show was Roy Nelson.  I like Roy Nelson.  All through the reality show Dana said he was boring but I like his ability to control the fight get it to where he wants it and do his thing.  So what if there is no spectacular knockout ending.  Then last night in Roy’s final fight to win the show, a spectacular knock out ending.  I like Roy Nelson.

Old stuff is stupid.

Friday, December 4, 2009

I never saw the old story V.  But after watching the new story V I liked the show.  So because the new show is taking some weeks off I decided to go watch the old show on the Hulu.  When I tried this I was redirected to the WB.com.  This was extra exciting because I do not think I ever watched anything on the WB before.  I made it about 4 minutes in.  I could make better special effects than this with just what I could find in my refrigerator.  And I do not even mean if I took the refrigerator apart, I mean with just the salsa and grapefruits and orange juice and stuff.  Anyone involved with anything old should be ashamed of themselves.

Pirates come in all shapes and sizes.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Yesterday while looking at a display of cameras and trying to decide on how handsome each camera would make me look an old woman came up and asked Jeff if he knew much about these video cameras.  Jeff said he had been reading some reviews of them lately and knew a bit.  The lady was pretty old and kind of using her cart as a walker and was barely taller than the handle.  She asked what kind of zoom she would need if she wanted to sit in the movie theater and record the movie with the camcorder.  We said we have no experience with that application and left it at that.  Ha ha Take that movie industry, even old people are out to get you now.

The bed is high.

Monday, November 30, 2009

If I had a nickel for every time I wished I could get on the bed by myself I would have enough money to buy a set of steps made out of diamonds.

Anime is GAY.

Saturday, November 28, 2009

I am thankful for fish.

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Today I made a hat out of construction paper and tried to find an indian to bite.  There were none around so I just growled at the guy in the 7-11 of indeterminate origin.  Then I ate some fish and watched Return of the Jedi.  I could do without Thanksgiving.

Breakfast Bear.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Today Kim asked what I wanted for my approaching christmas.  I consulted Jeff and we came up with that she should dress up in a bear costume and call herself breakfast bear and bring me breakfast in bed.  She said maybe.  I am assuming that she did not realize I did not mean just on christmas.  I meant forever.  Is there some kind of christmas loophole that I can get to trap her as breakfast bear?

Bums

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Today we saw a bum.  He asked Jeff for change.  Jeff said sorry buddy but I have not had any change for like seven years.  I am not sure if the guy knew what he meant.  Since everywhere takes a check card we rarely have much if any cash on us.  It must be hard to be a bum in this day and age.  I bet the first one with a hand held credit card machine will either make a mint or be arrested.  Either way he will have a place to sleep so good for him. 

Hot tomatoes

Friday, November 20, 2009

On my sandwich today there are some tomatoes.  one half had red, the other half had yellow like some pepperoncini like color.  I thought wonderful, hot tomatoes.  I was wrong, they just were not ripe yet.  But the point here is with all the nerds and scientists in the world why do we not have hot tomatoes already?  I am going to have trouble sleeping tonight.

This is only a few miles down the road from me. Picture unrelated.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

http://www2.tbo.com/content/2009/nov/16/man-says-30-foot-monster-lurking-canals-madeira-be/news-metro/

Great, now I have to worry about monsters.  Monsters seen by a really old man who must have great vision and would never be lonely and make something up for attention or just be nuts and actually think he sees monsters.  And he has video tape of them.  But we do not get to see the tape?  I have seen that crappy bigfoot footage 100 times here and there and I am only 3.  But there is a new monster and the footage is not even linked on the news site.  And the footage has to be quality, because 78 year old men are always on the cutting edge of technology and buy new camcorders regularly.  In fact the camcorder industry spends the lions share of their advertising budget targeting other age groups because they know they have the 75+ men locked up.  I am almost 4.

Teenagers.

Monday, November 16, 2009

I have always liked a good teen story.  Cant Hardly Wait is one of my favorites.  The Breakfast Club was awesome.  I also do not mind Pretty in Pink and kind of like 16 candles.  Mean Girls and 90210 were wonderful.  I still like the teen stories but now when I watch them the teens are vampires.  Like Twilight and the Vampire Diaries.  I watched some episodes of the story V and it has me worried if the future of teen shows is in teen aliens.  I sure hope not because I bet the bird 30 dollars that the future would be teen robot shows. 

The neighbor dog is a jerk.

Saturday, November 14, 2009

This is my favorite palm tree.  This dog is not helping,  After this it tried to bite my rose bush.  Ha Ha.

I hate winter.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

In other news, I am pretty sure that car alarms have never stopped the stealing of a car.  If your car is worth enough that someone would steal it, they know how to defeat the alarm.  If you have an alarm and your car has not been stolen it is not because of the alarm, it is because your car is not wanted by the thief.  All your annoying alarm really does is not get you invited to the neighbors house when they barbecue. 

Storms

11/11/09

I do not like Dr. Drew’s new show.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

People are not designed to do lots of drugs.  His first story was okay.  People are designed to have sex.  This show is not okay.  The intro says that sex addiction is as dangerous as drugs and alcohol.  Lie.  I think Dr. Drew is addicted to saying people are addicted to things.  I think he should teach these people some time management so they can do it and get some other stuff done and stop pretending everything is an addiction that needs treatment.  But I guess that would not get good ratings and make Drew tons of money. 

I do not like Eminem

Monday, November 9, 2009

Even more I do not like the people I see listening to Eminem.  I have felt this way for a looooooong time but today I make it official.  I hereby decree that If you like Eminem I have no time for you. Picture unrelated.

Monday, November 9, 2009

I like treats

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Stupid Shark

I like packages.

Friday, November 6, 2009

It is a shame they come with stuff in them so you have to empty them before you cut the outside into ninja throwing stars and throw them at the cat and Kim.  It is odd that the Ups and Fedex and mail man make me so mad when they are usually the people who bring me these packages.

I like this snake

Thursday, November 5, 2009

I am not friends with him but he likes to lay in my driveway.  If I was a snake I would not have shoulders so my harness would fall off when we went for a walk.  It must be hard for snakes to go for walks.  The upside to being a snake is that lots of people would have tattoos of me.  That and it would be easier to scare jerks and ladies.  But I think I would miss my ears.  I am glad I am not a snake.

I like tower defense games.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

I used to not like the ipod touch so much for games.  I played tap defense for a while on the but still played my ds sometimes.  Then I got Fieldrunners and did not plat anything for it for a while.  Now I just got Geodefense Storm and i am not sure that I even know where my ds is.  Geodefense is more tricky than the other two.  I am going to go try to punch those jerks right now.

I like the sun.

Monday, November 2, 2009

There should be more sun.  Now because of some dumb time change it is dark too early.

Paranormal Activity?

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Shot for 15,000?  Sometimes Jeff pretends his hand is a monster and makes growling noises and I fight it.  If we video taped that I would not want anyone to have to pay 8 bucks to see it.  There should be a sliding scale.  It a 100 million movie costs 8 dollars then theaters should be charging .0012 cents to see Paranormal Activity by my calculations.  And I am such a nice dog that if they stop trying to make me watch commercials before the thing I am paying for I will round up a little and pay a penny.  Maybe not a good penny, maybe one of those screwed up greenish corroded ones that I always get for change and wish it had not touched my paw.

Happy Halloween Jerks

Saturday, October 31, 2009

I am going as internet sensation Advice Dog.  He always has good things to say.  I almost went with Order Pizza, Pay with snakes, but this one really speaks to me.

www.princesssparkle.com

Friday, October 30, 2009

This is the day I have been waiting for for 2 years and 6 days.  Two years and 6 days ago I started this blog so that if aliens monitor the internet they would see what a dog thinks about and not blow up our planet.  Now on the 2 year and 6 day anniversary of my blog being accessible at princesssparkle.info and princesssparkle.net and even princesssparkle.org, after having .com backordered for those 2 years and 6 days my blog is finally accessible from princesssparkle.com.  It feels good, I will go as far as saying I feel 16” tall.  With this kind of power I feel like going on the offensive against those alien nerds.  You get on you hands and knees behind them and I am going to shove them real hard.  With any luck they will hit their head on a space table on the way down.  Community is a funny tv show.  Picture unrelated.

This is what happens when I go on my walk

Thursday, October 29, 2009

I have been inside all day and I am going nuts

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

It rained all day.  The only upside is I have this game called tower madness and it is fun.  And that Kim put this stupid hat thing on the cat and it was mad.  I was at the mall yesterday and all the costumes are sexy something.  Like I saw a sexy nurse costume and a sexy cat costume and a sexy fireman costume.  They actually say sexy fireman on the tag.  If I wear a costume for halloween this year Jeff is going to be sexy Batman and I am going to be sexy Robin.  It probably will not happen because Kim thinks that is dumb and Jeff and I are not much of a seamstress.  And we do not know where to buy spandex. 

ORANGE LINE

Monday, October 26, 2009

ORANGE LINE! ORANGE LINE! ORANGE LINE! ORANGE LINE! ORANGE LINE! ORANGE LINE! TODAY I SAW A ORANGE LINE.  IT WAS ORANGE AND IT COULD BE ON THE GRASS AND ON THE ROAD.  AT THE SAME TIME.  I ALMOST HAD A HEART ATTACK I WAS SO STARTLED THAT THERE WAS AN ORANGE LINE IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD.  WHAT NEXT, A GIANT DITCH WITH A PIPE IN IT?  OR MAYBE A CABLE COMPANY TRUCK?  MAYBE EVEN 6 GUYS WITH SHOVELS WHERE FIVE GUYS LOOK WHILE ONE GUY USES HIS SHOVEL?  

THIS IS WHY HALLOWEEN IS MY FAVORITE HOLIDAY BY FAR. 

Princess Sparkle’s theme song

Saturday, October 24, 2009

I decided it was time for me to have a theme song.  So I was going to record it in Garage Band so I went to the Garage Band website to try to learn how to plug Jeff’s guitar into it.  While there I saw they have lessons from some music people.  I looked over the list of people who Garage Band supports.  It was like a who’s who of people I would not recognize if I was stuck in an elevator for 12 hours with.  I do not know any songs by these humps and I would not like to know any songs by these humps.  I am no longer interested in using garage band for my theme song because these people suck.