I am perceptive and i have an argument.

Sunday, April 24, 2011

I have been listening to 2 songs on repeat for the last few hours, because it is Easter and everything is closed and what the fuck else am I going to do.  Song 1, Ice Cube, Today Was a good Day.  Song 2, Rebecca Black, Friday.  I believe these two songs are the exact same song written from a different perspective.  I will go as far as to say if Ice Cube wrote a song about a good day three months ago it would have been Friday.  Like wise if Rebecca Black wrote a song 17 or 18 years ago she would have been sent to a lab and studied by the government because 0 year olds are not supposed to be able to write songs i think.  J/K, if she knew what a pager was I think Friday would have went a lot more like Today Was A Good Day.  Picture unrelated.

Sometimes I twitter.

Friday, April 15, 2011

And someone showed me this pace that looks at your old twitters and jumbles them all up and makes a twitter.  I am content with my twittering past that this is the culmination of my knowledge on twitter.

True Story

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

I do not usually eat dog food...

Saturday, April 2, 2011

But when I do It is shaped like triforce.

I eat dog food all the time

Friday, April 1, 2011

And I have never seen and would never eat dog food shaped like triforce.

More like Daylight Stupid Time.

Monday, March 14, 2011

This and sweet and hot pickles still trick me.  Jerks.  I am standing where I always do to watch the sun set and 6:30ish and guess what.  The sun is way too high.  Stupid time. 

 

I think its an act.

Saturday, March 5, 2011

Either way, it is awesome.  I also like Angry Birds.

They should make payphones that text?

Friday, February 25, 2011

Because who really talks on the phone anymore.  Maybe people whos phone fell in the ocean still want to do some sexting or find out what is for dinner before they can make it to the Apple store.  Slow scientists are really trampling on my ability to trade quarters for communication.

I am watching the Grammies right now.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

And holy crap, there is a lot of suck in music these days.  And then CeeLo Green in a big chicken thing costume and a sequined helmet and a dancing dog puppet and then that portly chick from Shallow Hal all skinny again redeemed this whole fiasco.  Only thing that could have possibly made this better is if one of Gwens’s boobs fell out.  I could even live with seeing Bob Dylan mumble through another song if CeeLo would do another.  I feel like I am going to ride this high until that hump Eminem comes out pointlessly angry and sucks.

Pinaud Clubman After Shave, are we going to have a problem here?

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Jeff likes to smell like a barber shop.  The best way he has found to accomplish this is with this old school, old man, 2$ a bottle after shave.  Not to tell tales out of school, but I believe I have seen him splash some on even when he has not shaved for days.  Here is where I start to take fault, inspecting a new bottle for tampering before opening, I read the little seal.

And I quote:  “Refilling this bottle or tampering with this stop-

per is illegal.  Violations will be prosecuted.”

Listen here jerks, I am going to “tamper with this stopper” every f#$%ing time Jeff puts this stuff on.  What are you nuts? You want us to drill a hole beside the stopper to get the stuff out?  Why even have a stopper if you do not want people to use it?  Also I believe it would be obvious to even a child that you would have I hard time prosecuting me if I refill this bottle.  The bottle and its contents became mine when I gave Walgreens pharmacy 4 bucks for this and a few Valentines Day Ring Pops.  I will fill my bottle whenever and with whatever I want.  Just because you want to play gestapo on your label I might fill this with 1 part Aqua Velva, 1 part Old Spice and 1 part Pabst Blue Ribbon then mix it up real good and then pour it out on the ground to form the words “Fuck Authority” then light it on fire.  

To quote Princess Leia:

“the more you tighten your grip, Pinaud Clubman After Shave Lotion, the more star systems will slip through your fingers.”