BIKE RIDE!

You would think that bike rides would be either dumb or scary to me, but for some reason when the bikes come out I jump up and my tail wags a lot and really fast.  I like bike rides.  That seems odd.

Annnnd those handlebars look silly.  We need some that are way less chrome and a little smaller.  Maybe white so me and the wheels and the handlebars all match?

Moving these posts over

I can not seem to find an easy way to move these things from iweb to blogger, so i am copy and pasting them.  It takes about a minute or so a post.  Thats not to bad.  Wait a minute, I have about a thousand posts to move.  Damn it.

SPARKLEISAID

I am Princess Sparkle.  I am 5.  I have had a blog for a while but since iWeb is going away I guess I move it over here.

Big Brother 11 Spoiler

I just got off the phone with the top brass as CBS.  The motto from Big Brother is expect the unexpected.  As you can see, Julie Chen is knocked up.  The big unexpected surprise is that Julie is going to have her baby live on the show and it will be the 14th houseguest.  Then they have a time machine and the baby is really Kevin.  You heard it here first.  

In other news then I ate some fish.

71st post spectacular

Saturday, March 8, 2008

Here is a picture of what up my nose looks like to celebrate this event.  71 is a very important landmark for dogs.  

71 is the number of feet in a mile.

71 is the number of sinks in my house.

71 is the number of wheels a skateboard has.

71 is the number of grains of sand on the beach.

I have 71 toes.

71 is not allowed in the stupid metric system.

And most importantly, 71 is the perfect temperature of a rolling hot dog device in the local convenience store. 

I hope all the other 70’s die.  

I think I am ready for a survivor week now. 

A monumental day for the food industry.

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Today we obtained some Bumpy Jelly Beans made by Nerds candy.  This was the first time I have ever declined to eat something.  I almost did not eat kiwi one time but after looking at the kiwi then Jeff then the kiwi then Jeff then the kiwi then Jeff then the kiwi then Jeff then the kiwi then Jeff then the kiwi then Jeff then the kiwi then Jeff then the kiwi then Jeff then the kiwi then Jeff then the kiwi then Jeff then the kiwi then Jeff, I finally ate it.  This was different.  As you can see from the picture above they smelled okay.

In this photo you can see me testing this unusual item

And the end result.  Please remove this item from my green blanket.

Liberty vs. Art 5

Saturday, February 2, 2008

Now this is art.  Dogs after my own heart, the painting the chose behind them is the ocean.  I think that may be the key to this painting.  Another painting in the background.  It makes me want a painting because these dogs have a painting.  I want someone to paint a picture of me playing Wii with this painting of dogs playing poker in the background with the painting of the ocean in that background.  And then someone else would want a painting of them with my painting in the background and so on, and so on, and so on.  

And that my friends is the definition of infinity.

My first retraction

Sunday, January 6, 2008

After much consideration I have decided 1 and 10 are probably easier to multiply things by than 5.  Sorry for any confusion.  100 is probably easy too, but I do not know that many things.

And a chupacabra with a cell phone went as expected.  It  did not know what to do with it. 

Jail

Thursday, January 3, 2008

Since the holiday season is more about D.U.I.s than anything else I thought I would check out prison now that the holidays are over and it is safe.  Orange does not go with my spots, but apparently they let you have accordians.  This reminds me of the time I first came home and Kim thought she could contain me in a cage.  My adorableness is unaffected by captivity.  I was not in there for more than five minutes before Jeff broke me out.  That reminds me of the time Kim tried to put up one of those kid gates to keep me in the kitchen.  I climbed over it.  No one is sure how it was possible. But I landed pretty hard on the other side.  Jeff took the gate down for safety reasons.  Stupid gate.  On the way here I listened to Frank Black.  The record was Teenager of the Year.  The Pixies are okay, but this record is really good.  I hope some day I can be teenager of the year.  I think Frank was like 40 when this record was released.  I do not want to wait until I am 40 to get a tiara and flowers like he did.  Nevermind. No Prison can hold me.  Jeff, if you are reading this smuggle me a taco from Taco del Mar or a steak sub from Subway with a file inside.  My nails are getting too long.  Then break me out of here.

THIS IS A REAL BALOON, HONEST

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

I did not realize we had the advertising budget for this.  It is good to stand up for a cause.  I am against people drinking before sporting events and it is time the world knew it.  Sneak in a flask and drink during the event like a real American.   

Now I wish this jerk would quit following so closely behind me...

Haters

Sunday, December 30, 2007

Go to my myspace blog for important info on haters.  And Kat Williams.  Thank you for your support.

In a cave

Friday, December 28, 2007

Cable TV has lied to me again.  There are no Goonies, pirate ships, treasure, Fratellis, octopuses, strong handicapped guys or water slides in here.  I could have gone to any water park in the country instead and got at least four of the seven.  Stupid HBO.  If it was not for that Larry David, I would cancel that channel entirely.  The older brother in Goonies was named Brand Walsh, forshadowing in my opinion, another fictional character later named Brandon Walsh that seemed like he would ride a girls bike also.  I have to go, I am pretty sure that Corey Feldman stole my wallet.

Back to work

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Enough with the holidays, I am back on the job.  Today I traveled to a bridge that bums live under.  I have never warmed my paws by a fire before, let alone a fire in a barrel.  I wonder why they put it in a barrel?  I also have had some wine in my day but nothing like this.  If Jeff ever buys me the piano I want the first song I write is going to be about Nighttrain.  That is if I remember any of this.  I am learning alot.  Whenever I am cold from now on I can just put newspaper in my pants.  Wait, I do not generally wear pants.  Stupid Nighttrain.  I should do a cheap wine week.  Here I come Wild Irish Rose.

I think this stupid Christmas horn is broken.

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Santa never showed up.  I guess he is a sissy.  If my travels take me north I may show up at his place and eat his cookies.  What exactly does he have to do with Jesus anyway.  From now on everyone celebrating Christmas for the reason it is Christmas can call it Christmas.  Everyone else can say “merry day off work day”.  I do not care which group you are in.  It just will help me determine which jokes are appropriate to tell you. 

If I see anyone kissing Santa Clause they will reget it.

Monday, December 24, 2007

I have turned my couch into an impenetrable fortress and armed it to the teeth.  For extra protection I have put the television on the oxygen channel.  That should make anyone think twice about coming in here.  Now we play the waiting game.  I sit here and pretend I am asleep.  When I hear someone coming in guess what?  I am not asleep.  Game over Santa.   Jeff said I need to work on my pretend sleeping.  I think it looks pretty realistic.

I AM TWO I AM TWO I AM TWO

Sunday, December 23, 2007

I have been getting presents all morning.  This one seems to be my favorite.  I am two.  I am not sure what it is but it seems to respond well to chewing.  Birthdays are not that big of a deal.  There are like at least twenty or more people born on this same day also.  They are nice people like Corey Haim.  I saw him in License to Drive and The Lost Boys.   He seems like the Corey that would be less likely to steal my wallet from those movies.  I am two.  There are also jerks born on this day.  Do not even get me started on that hump Eddie Vedder.  It also is almost the same birthday as Jesus.  I did not watch any of his movies.  It is hard to enjoy my birthday completely with the thought of this Santa and his home invasion tactics planned for tomorrow night.  If you are reading this fat man I warn you your threats are not taken lightly.  And in conclusion, I am two.

Taco Week Recap

Saturday, December 22, 2007

The results are this:

Taco del Mar is good.  Everywhere else is okay or stupid.  Del Taco has french fries and I think that is weird.  A week with a theme was hard work.  I am not used to doing something every day.  I have another idea for a theme week.  I want to throw a rock at a cat from all the places that are mentioned in the book Cat in the Hat.  That may not be for a while, when the budget for my site increases. I will have to look this up but I believe that Foxes are somewhat expensive.  After all that Mexican food(okay, most of it was kind of like Mexican food) I am going to treat myself to something a little better.  I hope the hot dog cart in front of the DMV is not taking the weekend off for the holiday.

Taco Week-We were busy and forgot to eat a taco today.

Saturday, December 22, 2007

So here is picture of me being cute instead.  It is the last resort if the mupsidegrowl does not scare away my enemies.  It still protects the top of my head while freeing up my legs for kicking.  It does not have a name because no one who has seen it in person has lived to tell the tale.  I will be offering martial arts lessons in the spring if anyone wants to sign up.

Taco Week - Taco Bell

Thursday, December 20, 2007

I was going to eat here.  I ordered the food.  Then I saw this.  I am firmly against straws and everything they stand for.  So i just gave away the Taco Stupid Jerk Straw Lover Bell food and went to Taco del Mar instead.  It was delicious.  I was so worked up I thought I may not even be able to watch a Danny DeVeto movie.  Then I got home and Relative Strangers was on Comedy Central.  I feel much better now.  It is like Danny DeVeto is looking out for me somehow.  I should warn him that Santa guy may try to break in to his house.

Taco Week - Some burros

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Yeah sure.  The donkey in the picture looks like he is high.  I can not support such an establishment.  Also I do not eat anywhere with such a big truck.  Tacos are small and I worry about the quality control in a situation where they are making a truckload of tacos at once.  I do not even want an explanation for why the b is not capitalized.  Probably something to do with the wasted donkey.  I did go to Taco del Mar instead and had a wonderful meal.  I did not watch any Danny DeVeto movies.  Instead I watched him drunk on The View on youtube at the suggestion of a friend.  After that clip I watched some other clips of The View on there.  I had never seen The View before.  That Elizabeth is cute and little.  I can not believe they let that giant abrasive idiot be rude to her.  I am cute and little also.  This worries me.  If there are any congressmen or women reading this please pass legislation banning the big mean lady from being near anything cute.  Thank you for your support.