Lies

These three movies were on at the same time last night.  This made me uncomfortable.  I thought they should be on in a row instead.  I am not sure if it was a mistake or if someone at the tv controlling bureau is messing with me. 

About once a year I get tricked by the hot pepper/pickle industry..

 like hot things.  I am not against sweet things.  Every so often I purchase things to eat.  About once a year I forget that the word sweet means a different thing on pickles and hot peppers.  On pickles and hot peppers it means the most disgusting not pickle and not hot pepper taste you can imagine.  I see the sweet and hot in the store and think this will be delicious.  Then I get home and eat one.  Then I shudder and think oh, I remember this, I will now throw these away and never be tricked by this again.  

Fast forward to next year.  

I bet the guy who invented that stupid new shuffle likes these god awful banes of my existence stupid jerk peppers.  

Helpful tip:  I chop up all the lettuce at once and put it in a ziplock bag.  Then I can eat salad with little to no notice. 

I hate the vacuum

And on that note I am glad Jeff bought another Ipod Touch.  I figured the next thing would be awesome and we would be mad.  Boy was I wrong.  Apple just released the stupidest device I have ever seen.  I never cared for the old shuffles but the new shuffle has to be the least user friendly device ever made.  I watched the video on the website and it made my claws hurt.  And the girl in the videos eyebrows make me uncomfortable.  The only thing good about it would be if you renamed all your songs to swear words and then the robot would curse at you and then you could laugh.  Or if you renamed a song ffghjhjgfkdl.  I wonder how that stupid robot would pronounce that?  And who decided how to spell vacuum.  That is the worst spelling ever.  Yes, I hate the vacuum.

Homer Simpson once said something like...

Only two kinds of people wear Hawaiian shirts.  Big fat party animals and gay guys.  

And Princess Sparkle is not a gay guy.

Speaking of cranes.

There was a video of a pelican getting repeatedly splashed be waves here but youtube took it away because the ramones were playing in the background.

Speaking of cranes.
There is no way of knowing what this birds name is so I am just going to say it is Ralph the Pelican.  I think all birds should have the names of landlords on Threes Company.  Ralph gets punched by a wave.  I would have punched this heron but the stupid harness limits my picking of fights with this bird.  Herons are sissys.  They are real big but if I bark and run at them they fly onto roofs and squack at me.  One of these days I will see a heron and there will be no roof to jump on to and I will eat it. 

Eat it to Death.

How important is a level floor to you?

I used to live in a drafty shack on the beach.  The floor in that was high in some spots and low in some spots.  That is not what I am talking about.  I mean that the floor would be flat but off a few degrees.  I have asked a lot of people this question in the past few days and every one said it would bother them.  I can not believe that no one said “bother, NO, I would prefer to have a home that was tilted a few degrees.”  Because that is exactly how I feel.  First off what are the advantages.  All round toys like the Superball would be easy to find.  All spills would go to a easily predictable location for easier cleanup.  You could even have a drain at the low end and a water source at the high end.  Run it once a day and have the cleanest floor ever effortlessly.  Now what about the disadvantages.  None except for if you set your pencil on your desk it will fall of and you have to pick it up.  But if you own a pencil and are not in third grade you should really consider joining the rest of us in 2009.  And if you own a pencil you are probably a fatso and need the exercise of picking it up off the ground every time you need it.  And if you own a pencil you are a jerk and pencils are stupid.  I hate pencils.  

I bring this up because I live in a non drafty house with level floors in a little neighborhood on the beach now.  It is just not as fun as a drafty bumpy floored house.  So I am thinking about other housing options.  I saw some buildings made out of old shipping containers on the internet.  I like this idea.  Take like six or seven of them and make a shape and then finish the inside and paint the outside black with a big goldleaf princess sparkle mup and crossbones logo* on the front and a door that shoots poison darts if cats or kids come in the yard.  You know, like in the beginning of Raiders of the Lost Ark.  

That would be an awesome place to live.  The only thing that would make it more perfect is if the floor is a few degrees off level.  I wonder if they make a construction hat with that fits without squishing my ears?

Home Sweet Home.

These are cranes.

Speaking of cranes, I had some allergy or something and they told me to take a medicine.  I would like to let you know that a third of a Benydryl takes my love of leaning on soft things to a whole new level.

Grrrr.

I thought I had two ears.

They showed the 4 toed statue on Lost.

Finally, and I am kind of disappointed.  I think it is of Joe Dirt.  Why would Lost have a statue of Joe Dirt?  I wanted it to be of Sam the Eagle, the mean looking Muppet.  Either way I for one think it is pretty messed up that it is wearing such a short skirt.

Why is there no subburgers?

They would be awesome.  They could be 12 inches long.  You can eat them sideways.  This opens up the topping selection to more liquidy or smaller things because of the extra bread edge.  I could top a subburger with salsa or olives or wing sauce or sliced jalapenos.  It is like a pocket for deliciousness.  Or if you were a traditionalist you could still eat your subburger the up and down way.  There is no flaw in the subburger.  Get on it Subway.