I wish that this stuffed thing would turn into a big plate of ribs and wings and then some of those wet napkins in the little foil package for when you are done with ribs and wings then when I open my eyes I will eat the ribs and wings and then I like to use the corners of the packets that the napkins come in to make sure there are no rib or wing pieces left in my teeth but do not worry I do that in the restroom or it would be waaaayyy grosser. 

And GO....

...

damn it.

A new hero is born.

I was concerned on January 24th of this year because we found a step counter in Kim’s cereal that had less than 500 steps on it.  I am now much more concerned.  We found another one that has 2149 steps on it.  It is a little comforting that the cereal factory is getting further away.  That comfort is overshadowed by the fact that the cereal factory can move.  

The moving cereal factory is too dangerous to let live.  I pledge to destroy this cereal factory so children do not have to live in fear of opening a cereal box and finding a step counter that says 1.  Then they turn around and the moving cereal factory is right behind them and SQUISH.  

Fade to black.

Like the apple ever had a chance.

Vegetarians are dumb.

Sunsets do not offend me.

But this does.

And it is in my bathroom.  Rainkissed Leaves is not a flavor.  

This bird is a jerk.

Is it me

or has Yahoo been very patronizing lately.  I am going to try searching for very small screws.  

If it tells me to also try very very small screws or veeerrrrrrrrryyyy small screws I am going to find this Yahoo and punch it in the throat.

Today I tried to mail the cat.

But I could not find any stamps.  Kim hides them from Jeff and me ever since “the incident.”  This sucks because I know she just bought a whole bunch because the price is going up.  I do not know if she realizes it but from what I understand they are only going up 2 cents.  Call me crazy but I am going to wait it out and eat the two cents when I have to mail something again in six months.  I am listening to Kim’s ipod nano right now.  I need to get a new ipod.  My ipod touch was just too fragile for the likes of me apparently.  

It broke once and Apple replaced it under warranty.  Then it broke again last week and there is no warranty left.  I bought the parts to fix it from Ebay and yesterday we took it apart and replaced the glass and digitizer.  Here is the big surprise.  It works after we put it back together, but I really do not want to buy parts and fix this thing every couple of months.  I think it is time to get something more durable for my daily music and podcast listening.  

I have trouble with decisions.  You should see me try to order dinner. 

I look at the ipod lineup and do not know what to do.  The touch breaks too easy.  I want flash memory over a hard drive so the classic is out.  The shuffle is just stupid.  The nano is girly but the only option in the ipod line I can consider.  But the ones the sell now has the absolute worst feature ever to be put in an ipod.  The when I am trying to change a song it switches to that stupid album view feature.  I wish that feature would die in a fire.  I tried to look at other companies but they all seem pretty unimpressive.  I am going to do some more research before I commit but it looks like a nano, at least they make it in pink.

That cat is lucky.

No New Pennies.

I spoke about these pennies before.  They seem to be on their way now.

The U.S. Mint says we will be seeing the new pennies soon.  The new penny is to celebrate the bicentennial of Lincoln or something.  I know a ploy to legalize gay marriage when I see it. 

Bi means someone does stuff with boys and girls

cent means penny

ennial must be a code word for marriage.

Bicentennial=Gay penny marriage.

Here is my plan.  There can be marriage, man and woman.  Garriage, woman and women.  And finally Fairriage, man and man.  Problem Solved.  And we do not need new pennies.  And I will start a sentence with and whenever I feel like it. 

I would have just bit Jason in the butt. Problem Solved.

I saw the new Friday the 13th yesterday.  I did not enjoy the movie so much because I do not care for horror movies unless they have zombies or Buffy the vampire slayer or cats in them.  My biggest problem was early on Jason killed a lady by putting her in a sleeping bag and hanging the bag a foot over a fire.  That is no way to kill a person.  Even if the person was too dumb to unzip the bag, what kind of industrial strength zippers do they put in sleeping bags.  The zipper on my backpack exploded when I tried to zip it shut with my blanket and 18 toys inside.  Yet I am expected to believe she has some kind of super zipper that hold a 6 hundred pound lady.  I am estimating her weight at 600 pounds because sometimes she took up most of the movie screen so in real life she must be about 20 feet tall.  So even if the zipper does not break the material would burn through and she would fall in the fire and roll out and be burnt a little, but alive.  Not in this film.  She fell out and was dead.  I wish the movie making folks would stop filling my movies with lies.  I spent most of the rest of the movie thinking about what I would do if I were in a sleeping bag over a fire.  

I would get out.  

On the upside, if you see the movie you can go read that hump Ebert’s review after and laugh at how he is not very good at reviewing movies. 

Cupid made me fall in love.

With the best movie ever.  Fool’s Gold.  It is very similar to what Jeff and I did last weekend.  This movie was almost perfect.  It had the ocean and Theo from the Cosby Show and treasure and gay chef’s and guns and the crazy old guy from Buffy the Vampire Slayer and boats and girls in bikinis and even that hump Matthew McConaughey.  Usually I do not like him but he was good in this.  I wish he would have ended up with the dark haired girl instead of the annoying one though.  Oh, well that is why I said almost perfect.  Go watch it I said.

Growlentines Day

Patrick Swayze will not stop staring at Mischa Barton.