Run, It is GARGAMELGIBSON !!!

He makes movies and tries to catch smurfs and says mean things about Jews when he is drunk.  And the movies are pretty good, but the rest of that stuff is not very nice.  Happy Chanukkah!

I almost had to build a country.

Jeff and I were standing at the counter today eating hot peppers and treats like we do every day.  But then something out of the ordinary happened.  Jeff noticed something.  You all know how we feel about cats, right?  Jeff looked at  the windowsill that we usually ignore.  There are a couple plants and seashells on it.  There was also a small statue of a cat.  It was about an inch high and appeared to be made out of some type of material. The caption said 

“MADE ENGLAND.”  And of course small statues do not lie.  Who knew that a cat made England?  Sure England is not the greatest thing ever with its stupid way of talking and crappy comedy, but still.  Cats still suck, but I was a little impressed at the cats accomplishment.  

Then, thank the good Lord I reread it a little closer and it actually says “WADE ENGLAND.”  I do not know why the hell someone would name their cat Wade England, or if it is a statue of a cat wading in some water in England but you are supposed to imagine the treading water motions and the water or what?  

So I guess my point is that art is stupid and dogs are still better than those lazy no country making cats.

God Bless America.

I am not sad for them at all.

I saw this morbid chart on the internet today.  Usually I do not care much for charts or death, but this one was interesting.

The people in the middle die from floods?  Ha ha, 5 hurricanes punch Florida in the face every year and you humps drown more that us.  Suckers. 

Speaking of death charts

I can not wait until the internet and Fed Ex team up and kill the post office off.

This actually happened to Jeff and I at the Post Office today:

Jeff-here is some card form my mailbox can I have my package

long pause

Lady-it’s still on the truck

Jeff-what does that mean?

Lady-(louder)it’s still on the truck

Jeff-(furrows brow)what does that mean?

Lady-(wild hand motions)it’s still on the truck

Jeff-are you going to keep repeating that until I go away?

Lady-(blank stare)

Jeff-what does that mean to me?  when can I obtain my package?

Lady-I don’t know

Jeff- you are awesome(leaves the post office)

I do not care that it is the holiday’s and she has a crappy job where old people weigh the pros and cons of the extra 80 cents for priority mail at her window all day.  

What is the speed limit? Cops know.

When are my taxes due?  The IRS knows.

How big does a fish have to be for me to take it home and eat it?  The weirdo that drives a truck on the beach knows.

But the post office has no idea when their employees are due back at the office. 

I got a chocolate cake in the mail today.

Ahsoka is awesome.

I have been watching the new Star Wars cartoon and Ahsoka is awesome.  I Thought I wanted to be like her when I grow up.  Could you imagine the damage that light saber could do to cats?  I can.

Then I did some complex mechanical calculations seen below and I will not stand for ear discomfort.  Soooooo I guess I have to wait until they make a bigger weird hat before I start to learn the force.  

Stupid dimensions.  Always ruining my fun.

Shamwow

I spill a lot of stuff so naturally I needed one of these.  Then I 

read the internet and they said I did not need one of these.  So what was I to do?  

I analyzed the commercial further and I had to trust the guy that says “if you are going to wash your cars or any kind of vehicle you would be out of you mind not to own one of these.”

I do not even wash cars, but he looked trustworthy.

I hope they work better than they look.  From appearances I got a big box of orange and blue felt.  I can not wait to spill something.  That should be soon.  I will let you know how they work.

On an unrelated note, I am going to see Her and Kings County tonight.  That should be fun.  I hope Brother Love yells Owwwwwww a few times.  I am not sure if that is how you spell owwwwwwww.

Fatburger Fatburger Fat Fries Fatburger

Fatburger Fatburger. Fat Fries

When you ask for one they all yell Fatbuger.  

I like these burgers but it is a bit unsettling that you can get an egg on your hamburger if you want.  I do not know if they know where eggs come from or not, but either way that is gross.

I like to go in the back door because the front door is more dumb and metal electricity boxes are comforting to me.

Worst idea ever.

http://www.youtube.com/user/sparkleisaid#p/u/3/9ZRT_NzNpQw


No wonder most cops are so mean.  Where is your self respect?  I like cartoons.  I feel that every cartoon character I know of could come up with a better trick than this.  How could a citizen ever respect a police officer that dresses up as an elf to try and trick them.  

Here is a better idea.  Stand behind a bush in your regular cop clothes.  Same result.  

Or try this.  Wear jeans and a sweater.  Same result.

The only reason to wear the elf costume is so the motorist is looking at the fat grown up elf randomly standing on the street corner and runs the red light while trying to figure out if you are retarded.  I hope someone distracted by you hits a minivan full of smart toddlers who would have gone on to cure bird flu someday.  And you, cop who wants to play in fairy tale land has to live with that until you die.

I just can not get why they would go so far out of their way to make fools of themselves when they could just as easily entrap honest citizens without making fools of themselves.

And the guy at the end needs to realize that everyone knows he has no idea what he is talking about when he says “probably” before his statistic. 

Just like fat guys fight cardboard.