The old ball and chain

Friday, March 21, 2008

THIS IS A JOKE.  From what I understand Patrick Swayze takes his marital vows very seriously.  He has had the same wife for a long time.  So think about that you jerks that get divorced and have kids that have to live somewhere else every 2nd weekend.  You know the kid is not comfortable there and the dad has to hide all the kids stuff on Monday so the ladies he dumped the wife for do not see a whole bunch of Legos and Pokemons for the next two weeks and think the dad is weird. 

It must be hard to be in movies as cool as Red Dawn and as gay as Ghost.  I almost said as cool as Point Break and as gay as Dirty Dancing but deep down inside I think I kind of  like Dirty Dancing and Point Break had some questionable undertones.   

I can not figure out if Tony Danza made it okay for Patrick Swayze to be Patrick Swayze or if Patrick Swayze made it okay for Tony Danza to be Tony Danza.  All I know is that having a z in your last name must make you an awesome dancer that I would not want to get into a fist fight with.  

In honor of Patrick Swayze I am adding the Pancreas to the list of things I do not like.

Saint Patrick’s Day

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Is awesome.  Stan the bird loves the Dropkick Murphys.  I like them some too.  I really like the song Nessie.  The Dropkick Murphys have more songs per capita that make me feel like marching around and drinking beer than any other band that I know of.  I am two.  This holiday does not threaten to send a stranger into my house and I like that.  They probably put it so close to the stupid egg holiday so people can see how much that one sucks.  Kim’s favorite color is green.  Grass is green.  Keep off the grass hippies.  The full video of the above situation is posted on the video page also.

I tried to get a tan today

Sunday, March 16, 2008

and now that stupid cat calls me zebra.  Chris gave Jeff a lawnmower.  I am going to devise some plans to modify it into a catmower.  I also added magnetism to the list of things I am against.

Some guy’s birthday

Thursday, March 13, 2008

I do not know much about this guy but I helped pick out his gifts.  He is called Batman.  The octopus is really scary.  Batman is the guy Jeff is challenging in the Championship for Good and Evil World Gardening Supremacy.  I may have said too much.  Happy Birthday Batman.  Check video page for the Batman and chicken video.

Play-doh rules.

Easter?

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

I may have a new enemy.  From what I understand there is a huge bunny, an easter bunny that breaks into houses.  I do not have all the details yet but I believe it may be associated in some way with that lady Kim.  She brought me this rubber egg with meat on it and spikes sticking out of it.  I think it is a trick to lure me into a false sense of security.  Today rubber spikes, tomorrow eggs with switchblades sticking out of them.  Stupid Dateline NBC, always there when you do not want them to be, never there when you need them.  Eggs make me uncomfortable.  They have ever since I learned where they come from.  If you eat eggs you are a weirdo.  I hear the bunny hides eggs so he may be okay.  Why the spikes though?  I am going to have to put more thought into this after I am done thinking about a chupacabra with a switchblade fighting Matt from Big Brother.  That guy is a moron.  I may have two new enemies, the bunny and Matt from Big Brother.  That brings my enemies to five or six.  I am adding them to the list page.  

I think this couch is broken.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

I just got a new couch.  My green blanket fits on this couch.  From the look of the front view you would think I was pretty cozy. 

But, you can see from the top view that this couch is fairly drafty.  I am going to see if they will exchange it.  They just do not make couches like they used to.  How am I supposed to nap with a cold half. Rooms to Go?  More like Rooms to Show(my backside)

71st post spectacular

Saturday, March 8, 2008

Here is a picture of what up my nose looks like to celebrate this event.  71 is a very important landmark for dogs.  

71 is the number of feet in a mile.

71 is the number of sinks in my house.

71 is the number of wheels a skateboard has.

71 is the number of grains of sand on the beach.

I have 71 toes.

71 is not allowed in the stupid metric system.

And most importantly, 71 is the perfect temperature of a rolling hot dog device in the local convenience store. 

I hope all the other 70’s die.  

I think I am ready for a survivor week now. 

Springkles

Thursday, March 6, 2008

The picture on the front page reminded Jeff of a book he read as a kid.  The book was The Christmas Cookie Sprinkle Snitcher.  If books and reading were not so stupid we would start a book club to discuss this book.  Jeff does not remember much about the story but we think they either lost the sprinkles or someone stole them.  If someone stole them that is an important job.  I heard christmas cookie sprinkles are the number one cause of congestive heart failure.  We went to 7-11 this morning and bought a donut with sprinkles to test the health hazards of sprinkles, but we could not get the cat to eat it.  I looked this book up on the internet, to get more information because there was no plane with a banner about it today.  Sawdust makes me cough.  Copies of this book go for $200-300.  I called Jeff’s mom and said if she still has it she better sell it quick before someone figures out it is just paper and cardboard.  God bless Wayne Gretzky. 

Graceland

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

This is what I can only imagine goes on in Graceland.  Thank you whoever likes to paint pictures of Jesus on dinosaurs.  This photo was the source of a major argument between Jeff and some guy named Matt about if Jesus could time travel.  Jeff and Matt are going to have a new website soon that is top secret.  I have seen the outline and let me tell you, gardening will never be the same again.  Elvis rules.

Will Smith is full of crap

Monday, March 3, 2008

I am as close as Jeff can get to having a real Pokemon.  I am trying to learn to shoot lightning out of my cheeks to impress him.  I would also like to be able to shoot the cat with lightning.  I would also like to be able to shoot Kim with lightning.  I would also like to tie a key to a kite and then shoot the kite with lightning to see what happens.   Jeff does not need to shoot lightning, He just wants to be able to breathe underwater and see in the dark.  I think cats may be able to see in the dark.  We started to play a Pokemon game on the Nintendo this weekend.  The question above proves that artificial intelligence has not progressed as far as Hollywood would lead us to believe.  I will have to start getting my news from more reliable sources.  From now on I am only believing things I read on banners pulled behind planes with propellers over Madiera Beach and Fox News.